Duvet2Desk by TPG

I have come to the solemn and weight lifting conclusion, some people may never understand me. And that is ok. We are all different thinkers with a billion different thoughts and perceptions of the world. And that is ok. With that understanding, I can accept that most people may not ever get where I am coming from. And that is ok. What is not ok is to stop being you, the uniquely and imperfectly made you. What we have the tendency to do is to adjust who we naturally are to accommodate those around us. When we make those adjustments to ourselves, maybe the way we dress, the way we speak, when or if we speak up in a conversation, or sharing our most vulnerable selves.  Just our of fear of not being understood, we tailor ourselves unconsciously to our environment. There is a lot at play and much of it comes from our fear of emotional pain. (Fight or flight is real!) When we live in fear of people not understanding us, we will lose the fire in our hearts. But at the moment we sometime

We all have the times or moments where we have been down on ourselves. We have allowed the world to get to us. We outwardly show inward battles that we are having. For me, when I am dealing with life, I walk with my head down. I do not think it is because I am ashamed of anything or lack a certain level of confidence. Just watching, very literally, where I walk. But it dawned on me that I had some unconscious battles in my heart and head that I was showing outwardly in a way I didn’t even notice. It was while in reflection and the issue of feeling as though I should be where I am was I on the right track. For the past couple of years, I really questioned myself. Every. Single. Decision. I was making. Was I making the right moves, was I doing the right thing. Even in my mistakes, God works all things together, so it was the right move always. Honestly, I am still in the battle, but this is a life of fighting and battling, I am just now realizing it. I was born to brave.” It’s done.

I am not sure how many of you do this, but I am a lister. I am the person who always has a list of things to do to get things done. But what I have found is that the maybe 30 minutes a day I spending thinking through everything going on and documenting what is next keeps me on tasks and organized. Plan for your day/week, really take a few moments to think through your work before just starting. The most beneficial aspect of this type of planning is the minimization of stress. Meaning that spending about 30 minutes a day planning through what needs to be done and when it needs to be done allows for a high degree of productivity.   Let me give you some insight into my process… Every morning when I get to work, I open my OneNote and open 2 notebooks: tasks and role. The “tasks” section is everything that needs to be done by date with details. The “role” section is information and documentation related to my role/function. Additionally, in the task is are my SMART goals ( Your B

Influential leadership, the art of getting someone to do something that you would like them to do all while the individual wants to do it. Wow! This is a beautiful craft! We have to keep in mind that nothing that changed the world ever gets done, or changes without the ability to get someone(s) to act, change or stop a behavior. This is an incredible resource of influence to have. This ties back to a couple of the previous post that I have done in this series (it all is connected, I hope you see that by the end of this series): How Does Self Determination Impact Business Give ’Em the Why Your Network is Your Net Worth   I have found strength in my network, reputation, and behavioral background. The intentionality of slowing down to think through the desired outcome and all the tasks, systems, and processes impacted by the change we would like to effect. But more importantly, nothing significant has ever been single-handedly accomplished by 1 individual. The saying, “it takes

It hurts sometimes, it really does. Somethings you feel beaten, defeated, and maybe even broken - but you are not alone in this. I recall in my very recent past, coming to work one day and just pulling into the parking lot and feeling like I was on an island alone. Then I thought too about 5 years ago in another challenging role and having a moment of insight. I recalled talking to one of my leaders during a problematic situation in which I felt like no one had my back. She reminded me that I am not on an island alone. I know it is hard, and I am 9 days into black history month ( well 24... but that's another story... )  and haven’t had to mention race or gender in any of these blogs, but it sometimes feels even more lonely as a black female. I hate to say it, but in the corporate world, as a black female, you are sometimes looked at as a unicorn. A legit unicorn! Like an “I have never seen this before… how does it work…” Couple that with the fact that, for me, I am pretty st

This is not just about promotions - this is about getting things done and getting information. I know in my last post, yesterday, we discussed  What Happens When You’re Not in the Room , but this is the extension of that information. The network you build and maintain is how you affect change and get things done. Remember we talked about the need for  A Safe Support System  and  Build Trusting Relationships,  this is truly about who you surround yourself with, how you maintain these relations, and why you have them to begin. This is both personally and professionally, your network should be a strong blend of both. Now you are probably wondering, what should your network consist of (in no particular order): The person(s) who knows how to get things done. This is the person who gets things done, they are high on execution and know-how to deliver,  The person(s) with connections to other people. This is the person who knows who does what, who is involved in what and can get you to th

Oh, the unspeakable horrors! No, not really! (I mean it happens all the time!) This post is really about what happens when you are not in the room. Let me be clear, in either a positive way or a not so good way, your name can be discussed in places you are not. The best thing to have is an advocate, someone who will support you when you are not in the room, both privately and publicly. Early in my career, I was told this, but it took years for me to build my network to support this intentionally. To determine who needs to know about the work that I do. How do I learn to promote myself and my work? I have heard from so many people that “it’s about who you know.” It is all about who you know and that they will get you the role, the promotion, the opportunity, the next big break. The whole “it’s about who you know” is really a conversation that requires some mental reframing (meaning rethinking/reshaping). This is more about who knows your work. Who is willing to speak on your work i

Full disclosure, I am bad at this - just so not good at this... I have to be very honest with myself, I am. It just always assume people know what I know (and I know what people say happens when you assume… no need to go there) In short, my mind thinks at 100 miles/minute and my most significant issue with the “why” is that me, the person who is thinking through the argument/concept/idea/project fully “gets-it.” So if I get it, then everyone else surely must have been along on my thought journey to wisdom and understanding as well. This is my personal blind spot. As to keep in mind that just because this is an admitted and recognized blind spot, that I still do not fall subject to unconscious behavior. Honestly, many times I cannot see it until after it happens in reflection because this is that unconscious for me. The best way to mitigate an unconscious behavior to create a system or process that will allow for the outcome intended. The result, in this case, is going to be making

Possessing a selective and robust support system is critical, and I briefly touched on this in my recent post  Building Trusting Relationships . You have to have your someone(s), now this doesn’t mean someone at work necessarily, but someone(s) who can provide you with the honest perception and feedback that you desire and sometimes do not want. But further to be that someone that you can just “offload” it all too.  We all need someone to speak honestly and sometimes, frustratingly to and with, and this person or those people should be “safe.” By safe, I mean someone who will not trigger a threat response from you, because the trust has been built over time. Someone who will not judge you, but will also listen and, if desired, provide you with honest feedback. Find and keep your people, these will be some of the most valued relationships that you ever have. For more like this check out the  February Black History Post

For us to be “better” at business, we need to be “better” at understanding people. One of the best ways to start this journey is through the understanding of the basic human needs, these needs do not change because you have preverbally “clocked-in” at work. These basic building blocks of human need are deeply hardwired into the way we perceive the world and account for our “flight v. fight” (threat) responses. I will focus on an easy way to remember the domains of human needs via an acronym from the NeuroLeadership Institute. This, in my observation, is a nod or an expansion of the self-determination theory , which only has 3 attributes. Five Domains of SCARF: S tatus  refers to one’s sense of importance relative to others - a level of significance (Am I perceived as being less than or better than others) C ertainty  refers to one’s need for clarity and the ability to make accurate predictions about the future (Can I predict outcomes) A utonomy  is tied to the sense of control

Over the next several weeks, you will hear me say it over and over again, how vital relationships are to your life, professionally and personally. Bonds, as much as we won't admit it, are the driving force behind work. It was the say society's and groups have been set up and hardwired (brain and behavior) for literally thousands of years. You will need these relationships for several reasons. #winning To accomplish goals and tasks at work. Even as an individual contributor, the power of influence determines how, when, what, and why you get things done. The ability to influence people for "buy-in" is so critical and so vastly understated.  To gain insight and access to information. Knowledge is power, and the more you know, the better and the more informed decisions you can make. When you know what is happening, you can align your goals and task to a business need. To have someone to vent to when you need to get it all out. We all need someone to talk honest

You may hate to think this, but it is the absolute truth. As a black female or any minority, many times, you will need to exceed expectations to meet expectations. You may not always get the same level of flexibility that others may gain. You may not be able to make the same errors as others. You will not be given the same amount of time to ride the learning curve in a new role. You will not have those privileges afforded to you all the time, if ever. Accept it. That is the only advice that I can give you in that space. Accept it. Move on, and play the game with an “A” effort every day. This is why many of the following topics will be so relevant, they curb the influence of expectations. For more like this check out the  February Black History Post

I remember once sitting in my leader’s office talking about change and why we do not do it. Why do we not just go for it? Let us be completely honest, this is all a game. A long game. A game of strategy and influence. Sometimes, earlier in our careers, we do not have it. We do not possess the network, influential leadership skills, the reputation to drive that kind of large scale change. Ok, and to keep this 100% truthful, sometimes you need to be the more senior-level person. But sometimes you just have to play the game to get to a place where you can drive, support, and be the change you wished to see. The problem is - is that sometimes we forget how it felt. How it used to be before you go to where you are. That’s why I write, that’s why there are reliable studies that suggest the higher you go professionally, the more you need to keep a journal. So sometimes you have to get to the place where you can actually make the change and then do it. For more like this check out the  Feb

In honor of black history month, I will honor the people who pulled me up with them in business with tips from a black woman professional (still growing and learning). I will publish a tip a day for the next 29 days. There are just so many incredible leaders of all races and backgrounds who have been influential in my life. This is my way of paying it forward. Here is to y’all! February Topics Make the Change   Exceeding Performance Expectations Build Trusting Relationships How Does Self Determination Impact Business A Safe Support System Give 'Em the Why What Happens When Your Not In the Room Your Network is Your Net Worth   I Promise - You Are Not Alone Learn the Art of Influential Leadership  Think Through Your Work Walk with Your Head Up They May Never "Get You" Don’t Quit - Even When You Want To Led With What You Know Articulate the WIFM How Can I Be Better Start Your Day In The Word  Develop The people around you  Everyone Is Biased Don’t